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๑۩۞۩๑A.C::D.C๑۩۞۩๑Electrifying the senses
2007/1/1 Talking about Why George Bush cannot match Sonia Gandhi
Quote Talking about Why George Bush cannot match Sonia Gandhi?wa=wsignin1.0 2006/11/7 ever dreamt this ?Hi friends lets hope this goona happen in year 2020 !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Year : 2020 Place: Two Americans at IBM, USA. Currency Conversion Rate: Rs. 1/- = $ 100/-. Alex : Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office? John : Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping. Alex : Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict. John : Yeah, but I managed to get it. Alex : How long it took to get it stamped? John : Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. Thats why it got delayed. I went there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4 pm. Alex : Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA John : Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming. Alex : So, when are you leaving? John : Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true. Alex : How long are you going to stay in India. John : What do you mean by how long. I will be settled in India, my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta. Alex : Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India. John : Yeah, thats why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there. Alex : But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad, Bangalore and Mumbai. John : But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured. Alex : Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad? John : Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 1000/- for a single room accommodation. Alex : I see, that's too much for US people, Rs. 1/- = $ 100/-. Oh God! What about in Chennai, Mumbai? John : No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like the world headquarters of Software. Alex : I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help. John : You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less than Rs. 7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.200000/- but has got a sexy design. Alex : By the way, who is your client? John : Reddy and Naidu Associates, a pure Indian company, specializing in Embedded Software. Alex : Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India. Indian companies pay you in full even when you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the most livable place in India, probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I wonder how that state has perfected that system. John : Yeah man, you are right. I hope our America also follows their footsteps. Alex : How are you going to cope with their language? John : Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent percent score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language. Alex : So, you are going to have fun there. John : Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, and all. Esselworld is also near to Bollywood. Alex : You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then relax the number of visas. John : That's true. Last month, Narayanamurthy visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at Silicon Valley and has promised more if we follow the model of High-Tech City of Hyderabad.Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person. Alex : But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's Infosys. John : He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Infosys like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto. Alex : OK, Good Luck John. John : Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a Kurta Pyjama because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will ever come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't forget to say "Namaste, aap kaise hai" to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way. 2006/7/16 who works for India ?The population of Indiais 100 crores. 100,000,00,000 But 19 crores are retired. -19,000,00,000 That leaves 81 crores do the work.
81,000,00,000 There are 25 crores in school,
-25,000,00,000 which leaves 56 crores to do the work.
56,000,00,000 Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Govt ,
-22,000,00,000 leaving 34 crores to do the work.
34,000,00,000 4 crores are in the Armed Forces,
-4,000,00,000 ! which leaves 30 crores to do the work.
30,000,00,0 00 Take away from above a total of 20 crores people who work
for State Governments
(State Government employees officially do not work!)
-20,000,00,000 and that leaves 10 crores to do the work.
10,000,00,000 Total unemployed are 8 crores
-8,000,00,000 and that leaves 2 crores to do the work.
2,000,00,000 At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in
hospitals, -1,200,00,000 leaving 80 lakhs to do the work.
80,00,000 Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute, there are
79,99,998 people are in prisons throughout the country.
-79,99,998 That leaves just! 2 people to do the work.......
2 You and me!!! And currently YOU are sitting at your computer reading mails .
So I am the only person in our country who is working! And that's why India is surviving!!! Now, please log out and do your job because, for a change, I want to rest. And I don't want India to suffer because of that!
Source: Forwarded through Email
2006/7/7 Why I fired my secretaryLAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT
MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME. AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY BIRTHDAY." I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL REMEMBER. MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT. AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING, BOSS,HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME." I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY. LET'S GO!" WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY. ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY.. WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?" I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?" SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT." AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK." "OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED. SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, TO MY SURPRISE SHE CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". AND I JUST SAT THERE... . . . . . ON THE COUCH... . . . . NAKED. Source : Forwarded through email
2006/7/6 Knowing American HistoryIt was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said ' Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth ?'" Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!" She heard a loud whisper: " Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, " Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003." Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, " Duck"! The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked "Who said that? Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!" Source : Forwarded through Email
2006/7/1 Catch the lionHow to catch a Lion >>
----- Newton 's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion. Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily. Software Engineer Method: Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion. Indian Police Method: Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion . Rajnikanth Method : Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself. Jayalalitha Method: Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping ! Manirathnam Method (director): Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide. Karan Johar Method (director): Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest. You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont! Yash Chopra method (director): Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location. Govinda method: Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. Menaka Gandhi method: Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously. George bush method: Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!! Ravi Shastri method: Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders all the best and be careful if ur trying out any. !! 2006/6/22 Life is More Than the Little Boxes We Live InLife is More Than the Little Boxes We Live In
From the Dimbleby Memorial Lecture given by the former US President at the Institute of Education in London by Bill Clinton 18 December 2001 I am confident that we have the knowledge and the means to make the 21st century the most peaceful, prosperous, interesting time in all human history. The question is whether we have the wisdom and the will. The terrorists who struck the Pentagon and the World Trade Centre believe they were attacking symbols of corrupt power and materialism. My family and I have a different view of that. I was Commander-in-Chief of the people who worked at the Pentagon. My wife represents the people of New York in the Senate. I knew people who were on those airplanes. My daughter was in lower Manhattan. I met one of her friends who lost her fiancé. I talked to victims who lost their loved ones who were Jews and Christians and Hindus and Muslims, who came from every continent, including over 250 from the United Kingdom. To me, all these victims represent the world I worked very hard for eight years to build, a world of expanding freedom, opportunity and citizen responsibility, a world of growth in diversity and in the bonds of community. The deliberate killing of non-combatants has a long history. No region of the world has been spared it and few people have clean hands. In 1095, Pope Urban II urged the Christian soldiers to embark on the First Crusade to capture Jerusalem for Christ. Well, they did it, and the first thing they did was to burn a synagogue with 300 Jews. They then proceeded to murder every Muslim woman and child on the Temple Mount in a travesty that is still being discussed today in the Middle East. Down through the millennium, innocents continued to die, more in the 20th century than in any previous period. In my own country, we've come a long way since the days when African slaves and Native Americans could be terrorised or killed with impunity, but still we have the occasional act of brutality or death because of someone's race, religion or sexual orientation. No terrorist campaign has ever succeeded. Indeed the purpose of terrorism is not military victory, it is to change your behaviour by making you afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow and, in diverse societies like ours, afraid of each other. By definition, a terror campaign cannot succeed unless we become its accomplices and, out of fear, give in. In the years in which I served as President, we worked very hard to prevent a day like 11 September ever happening. Far more terrorist attacks were thwarted at home and around the world than succeeded, and large numbers of terrorists who did commit crimes were brought to justice. We're gonna win this fight – then what? 11 September was the dark side of this new age of global interdependence. If you don't want to live with barbed wire around your children and grandchildren for the next hundred years, then it's not enough to defeat the terrorist. We have to make a world where there are fewer potential terrorists and more partners. And that responsibility falls primarily upon the wealthy nations to spread the benefits and shrink the burdens. There are changes that poor countries have to make within that make progress possible. It's no accident that most of these terrorists come from countries that aren't democracies. If you're never required to take responsibility for yourself, then you're kept in a state of permanent immaturity where it's easy to convince you that your distress is caused by someone else's success. So this is a fight we have to make everywhere. Which will be more important in the 21st century – our differences or our common humanity? Think about how important your differences are to you. Think about how we all organise our lives in little boxes – man, woman, British, American, Muslim, Christian, Jew, Tory, Labour, New Labour, Old Labour, up, down. We have to organise that, but somewhere along the way, we finally come to understand that our life is more than all these boxes we're in. And that if we can't reach beyond that, we'll never have a fuller life. Courtesy of Quote World
2006/3/26 The right formulaSix Tips for Happiness
Advice from Tal Ben-Shahar. 1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions -- such as fear, sadness, or anxiety -- as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness. 2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning. 3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity? 4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much. 5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do -- or don't do -- with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health. 6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
the brainy fewWhile visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr.
Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says,"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President.
Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington,decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan Singh!"
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